What to do when your plans change
It’s a phone call you never expect to make, but its a call I have received multiple times over my career as a wedding photographer.
Relationships don’t always end up the way we anticipated, and sometimes things happen after a wedding date is set and vendors are involved.
Knowing what to do as far as your vendors and wedding plans go when you are no longer sure how your relationship is going to go can be extremely stressful. Here are some thoughts and tips in case you or someone you love ever gets into a tough situation during wedding planning.
first thing’s first
This is your life. The impact of this decision goes well beyond the difficulty of canceling on your vendors. The most important thing is that you do what’s best for you, so if that’s calling your wedding off at any point (yes, even the night before or the day of) Your life and your happiness is top priority and worth so much more than whatever amount of money has been spent on the wedding.
**It isn’t always the relationship between the bride and groom that is cause for an unexpected plans change. Illness, injuries and other extenuating circumstances with the bride and/or groom’s close relatives and friends can also bring this type of situation around. All of it is hard, and if canceling or moving the wedding is what will be the best for you and your relationships and your close relatives and friends, do it.
Second thing’s second
You are not the first. And you won’t be the last. You would honestly be surprised how many people have their plans change and have to call their vendors to cancel. Since photographers are usually booked first, I think the photo professionals probably get a lot more of these phone calls than some other vendors might.
I’ve had phone calls moving the date for serious relationship curve balls, I’ve had phone calls about the bride calling off the wedding, phone calls with the groom calling it off, you name it, I’ve probably had it. So don’t be embarrassed. Really.
As a vendor receiving a call from a distraught bride, the conversation often starts with “…I don’t know how to say this” or “…this is really uncomfortable to tell you” and no matter what I am always just one hundred percent concerned about my bride’s well-being. It doesn’t change what I think about you at all!
Whether we’ve already shot your engagements and/or bridals so I know you in person, or we’ve only met through email at that point, I can only imagine the heartbreak and emotional trauma you are experiencing and my heart goes out to you!!
Your vendors aren’t going to be mad or upset or unkind. They know you don’t want to be doing what you’re doing and will be so understanding. Promise.
I haven’t met a single wedding vendor who would make a bride feel bad about canceling due to a relationship ending, changing etc. You have to do what’s best for you and we want that for you!!
**Another thing to note, if you can’t bring yourself to make a call, you can absolutely write out an email. Whatever will be the least difficult for you, your vendors won’t feel jaded if you cancel on them over email instead of on the phone. If a phone call is easier for you, and you want to have an immediate response/conversation with your vendor then by all means call away! But don’t feel obligated to call if you would rather write it out.
understanding on both sides
As hard as it is, there will likely be some money lost if you cancel on your vendors.
As a vendor I try to have policies that are sympathetic and fair, and I think you’ll find most vendors are the same way.
Working in the wedding industry is so unique, because our clients are people experiencing the most exciting, important, anticipated time of their lives!
This is a huge, monumental life event for you, but it is also the daily work-life for your vendors. It’s a careful line to walk between giving clients all the accommodations and special treatment possible during this major time, while also maintaining a professional business where we are able to make a living and not get taken advantage of.
From our side, this is our livelihood. We are now going to basically be missing a “paycheck” that we were planning on, and we have likely turned down business for the date you reserved because it was saved for you.
Aside from losing your business and the potential for business from other clients booking your date, many vendors will have already placed orders or reservations in your behalf for flowers, food, rentals, etc. They will have to deal with canceling those things on their end as well, and likely encounter loss of funds too.
Even if you cancel right after you book, your vendors have taken time for consultations, emailing with you, creating an agreement for you, and doing preparations on their end for your event. Deposits are usually structured to cover that time and prep for your vendors, along with their opportunity cost they have when the cross a date off their calendar for you. (which is why they are usually non-refundable).
Depending on how early on you are able to make the call, you may be able to avoid losing anything more than the deposit. But bear in mind that there could be other cancelation costs as well.
PRO TIP: Read over the contract (again) before you cancel with your vendors. Make sure you are aware and respectful of their policies for cancelations, and you go into the phone call (or email) prepared with that information and understanding.
time is of the essence
Even though the last thing you want to do is think logistics and be practical when you’re experiencing a breakup or turbulence in your relationship, the sooner you can get in touch with your vendors the better it is for you and for them.
(If the plans are changing, and you aren’t ready to break the news to your parents or family or friends, that is absolutely understandable, but if you can bring yourself to let your vendors know, you will potentially be able to save yourself money and stress later on).
More advanced notice will likely save you from losing additional dollars, and give your vendors more of an opportunity to recoup their loss as well with a chance at booking another client.
Cancelation fees and contractual payment obligations are usually much steeper the closer you get to the wedding or the shoot.
You don’t want to get a bill for an event you’re no longer even having!! And trust me your vendors will hate having to send you one, so if at all possible, inform your vendors as soon as you make your decisions.
PRO TIP: Even if you anticipate working things out with your fiancee, and it may end up being a date change instead of a total cancelation, keep your vendors in the loop, they will likely be able to advise you on this. Depending on each vendors’ policies, you may consider “canceling” so you avoid higher fees later on, even if you anticipate getting married at a later date. Most vendors (myself included) are willing to “save your deposit” to put towards booking another date within a certain amount of time. "(i.e. If you reschedule with them for a new date within x amount of months, they would put your cancelation fee and/or deposit towards the total cost for you, so you are able to salvage some of your funds).
I hope this is helpful to anyone who is going through or knows someone going through a difficult time in their wedding planning. Just remember that no amount of money or opinion of others matters half as much as your own happiness and life! Marriage is a big deal, and it lasts much longer than the wedding day. You’ve got this!