All about moms
…And other people who want to come along with your client to the shoot.
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This post is pretty much exclusively for wedding photographers, since most other shoots don’t involve Moms in the same way! (But feel free to scroll through even if weddings aren’t your thing!)
Here’s the thing about weddings—-Moms are usually a MAJOR part in the wedding planning and prep, so naturally both mom’s and their daughters (and sometimes sons) will likely want them to be involved in photos too!
Over the course of my career I have encountered moms of all types (helpful moms, friendly moms, courteous moms, overbearing moms, mean moms….all the moms),
*also… just for the record… I’m a mom lover. My mom is awesome and I think most moms have the best intentions.
however.
Even moms with the sweetest hearts can make photo sessions really difficult.
And of course there are those few moms out there who really don’t have their kids best interests as a priority which can be especially hard to deal with when your client is stressed out by their mom being there.
Here’s the main 2 reasons why Moms can make shooting difficult:
1) Mom’s want to Mother
It’s hard for a mom to sit and watch… with just about everything, including photo shoots. So when you’re trying to frame your shots, and do your best work, it can be tricky to have interruptions, directions, etc. given to you or your couple by a third party.
2) Daughters (and Sons) care what mom thinks.
This honestly isn’t normally a bad thing, but when you’re trying to create genuine, natural moments for you to capture of your couple, and they are stuck worrying about what their mom thinks (glancing over at mom constantly to gauge her reaction/check for approval or being embarrassed to kiss and snuggle with each other in front of a parent) It can make your job a lot harder, and the shoot a lot less enjoyable for your couple (even if they think they want their mom there)
I am not exaggerating when I tell you I have had a mom DOUBLE the shoot time before, by fixing the gown constantly (even when I’m shooting close ups), critiquing her daughter, requesting shots and places throughout the entire shoot, etc. I’ve also had mom’s who come and make the shoot a breeze, they help hold things, encourage their daughter, and I truly enjoy getting to know them a bit before the big day!
Here’s how to make all the moms who come awesome moms:
1) Set expectations with your bride
Make sure your bride knows that during shoots, other parties will not be permitted to attend if they will disrupt the shoot in any way. Make sure she knows why you have that policy and what will happen if that policy is violated.
So many bride’s moms come and are honestly a great help, but talk through what makes a mom (or whoever) an asset to the shoot and what makes a mom a hinderance to a shoot! Every time I’ve had a bride bring a mom after going over the policy with them, the bride has prepped her mom and things go really smoothly!
PRO TIP: My policy says not to bring anyone unless they’re in the photos, and if you do bring someone else (moms, sisters, friends, etc.) those other people will be expected to hang back while you shoot. If the policy is violated and a mom (or any other non-client person) makes the shoot take longer, or makes it so I can’t do my best work for my bride, there is a fine I charge. Putting a dollar amount to disruptive entourages helps brides talk through how to act at a shoot with their moms (or whoever), and gives me the protection if it eats up my time or if it makes my job unusually hard.
2) Help Your Bride Self Assess
As soon as your bride says “my mom wants to come…” (or even before that) Make sure she understands why some people choose not to have moms come, so she thinks through the decision (and takes into account her personality, her moms personality, the relationships between her and her fiance and her mom, etc.) and decides if having her mom there watching will make the shoot a better experience for her or a less enjoyable experience.
3) ALWAYS. back yourself up with your contract
Have your policy, recommendations, and consequences clearly stated in your contract so you have something to point your clients to if they don’t want to cooperate with your policies. This also helps back your brides up if they have a parent who is insisting on coming even though the bride would rather her not be at the shoot.
PRO TIP: Don’t forget to cover other vendors when you cover moms in your policy. I once had a client who hired a videographer who got the location wrong and didn’t show up to the shoot, the couple wanted to wait for them and even against my advice, chose to wait so long that I was barely able to get 20 minutes of shooting in before it was dark! So, you better believe that since that shoot my contract mentions other vendors and videographers specifically as people who are not allowed to disrupt or hinder the shoot. (And it also states that I’m not responsible for the results in the final product if they do).
Through everything just remember to remain professional and work around whatever each client throws your way—but also be sure you have yourself set up for success through communication and your contract!